The girl with more guy friends ? Michelle Mannino

?I have more guy friends because girls are just too dramatic for me.? I?m sure many of you have heard some version of this statement come from a girl?s mouth at some point in your life. Despite contrary beliefs, men and women often times form harmonious friendships where both people benefit and appreciate the friendship. Ever since I started elementary school up to my first day of college, I have found it much easier for me to form friendships with the opposite sex. It is not uncommon for women to form several friendships with men throughout their life, and it has been found to be extremely influential in many aspects of?communication?within ?different kinds of relationships.

In my own experiences of forming friendships and relating better to men my age, there is often a negative connotation that is associated with the girl. For example, in high-school I always sat at a lunch table with mostly guys, and maybe one other girl friend. I would hear rumors spread about me being a ?slut? because I always hung out with the guys. What many people do not understand is that cross-sexual?or opposite sex?friendships often times come with a greater purpose of understanding the different ways the genders communicate. Communication studies scholar Julia T. Wood states that ?many women and men do form friendships with each other and find them rewarding?(Wood, 2009). What Wood means by this statement is that friendships between masculine and feminine people offer different aspects of friendships as well as a deeper understanding of the different styles of communicating associated with each gender.

In a study conducted by Heidi M. Reeder, she found that there are several reasons why people seek out friendships of the opposite sex. In the case of girls having more guy friends, Reeder explains that, ?because women may feel more free toexpress their competitive side with male friends thanwith female friends, ?it might make sense that more masculine women than feminine women would be interested in this type of relationship? (Reeder, 2003). ?Based on that information, and understanding my own experiences of having more guy friends throughout my life, I think it is an important area for society to better understand in terms of friendships, and what many people perceive as normal.

The bigger idea on why some women may feel more comfortable with forming friendships with men can be best explained by the different gendered styles of friendship. In the book, Gendered Lives, written by Julia T. Wood, she explains two types of friendship styles, separated by feminine friendships and masculine friendships. It is the common script?or rule?in feminine friendships that dialogue is the key factor of ?maintaining a close relationship with someone. On the other hand, the masculine style of friendships center more around doing things together like playing sports, or engaging in some other activity that they both enjoy. Another finding of Heidi Reeder?s study on cross-sex friendship formation was that??feminine men and masculine women are more drawn to cross-sex friendship due to the types of rewards they receive from?such relationships.? This statement best describes why I preferred having more guy friends, and could better relate to guys because I?received?the type of friendship that I was not?receiving?from my friendships with girls.

Using myself as the template for someone who has not always felt comfortable with the feminine friendship style, I found myself engaging in more friendships with men. While I do often times display typical feminine friendship styles like empathizing with and nurturing someone who may be upset, I also have never felt the desire to disclose my personal feelings and intimate information to my friends. Disclosing information and personal details is ?considered a primary way girls enrich their friendships, as well as maintain them. Many of my girl friends keep me updated on who their latest fling was with, or other personal information on topics that I normally do not feel comfortable disclosing to other people. ?Since I do not engage in some of the typical feminine styles of friendship, I have found myself often times naturally relating to guys, and can ?hang out? with them because I don?t ever feel the need to disclose details and feelings about certain things. In high school, my guy friends always told me that I was fun to hang out with; not like the ?other girls?. For example, I enjoy playing video games with guys so I get a chance to be?competitive, and engage in activities rather than just sitting at talking. I also enjoy throwing the football with my boyfriend, and when I first played with him, he was impressed with my ?skills? because I could throw a football (like it?s that hard?). ?My friends (both girls and guys) often times come to me when they need advice on something, and people have always told me I ?give the best advice?. Giving advice and providing solutions to problems is a common action that is supported by the masculine speech community. Julia Wood states, ?One way to exhibit knowledge and control is to give advice.? I believe that since I often provide solutions and advice to people, I can better communicate and relate to my guy friends, because guys don?t want to hear about how sorry you are, or that you?re there for them, they want to have a friend to give them an answer and/or a solution to their problem.

What matters the most

The bigger point to take from the information provided is that through knowledge of both feminine and masculine friendship styles, as well as the knowledge of feminine and masculine speech communities, people can enhance the quality of their relationships in any aspect of life. Whether it is with a family member, romantic partner, or indeed just friendships, having a broader knowledge of the many difference in gender communication will offer many opportunities for growth within the relationship at hand. Opposite-sex friendships are becoming more and more widely accepted especially in western cultures because people are beginning to see the benefits of having different types of friends, as well as different gendered friends.

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